Im sorry Alison, for gettin like i did when you broke up with me.

But now i thank you, I thank you for showing me what I was doing, and the effect it had on ppl. I hit me when you where crying that night, i couldnt stand you crying, it hurt me. And I knew that it was b/c of me you were crying. Thank you for showing me what i was doing. You have changed my life for the better, I will no longer be that angry person that you frear.I love you Alison, thank you.

I want to be there for you, I want to be someone you can go to when your Dad is an asshole and hurts you, I want to be the person that comforts you.

Currently Listening Give Up By The Postal Service Nothing Better see related

well i had a shity week end,,,i explaind this to a few ppl on yahoo and msn... here it is....

this is a convo between me and my freind Leah from CA
bloo_eyed_froggee : patrick!!!!!!!!!
vash_da_stampede1788: hi leah.....
bloo_eyed_froggee : wats wrong
vash_da_stampede1788: alison...
bloo_eyed_froggee : omg...what happend...
vash_da_stampede1788: she broke up with me...
bloo_eyed_froggee : why??!!!
vash_da_stampede1788: my fault....its all my fault...i fuked it up
bloo_eyed_froggee : what did you do...
vash_da_stampede1788: very long story...
bloo_eyed_froggee : please..tell me....ive got alot of time....
vash_da_stampede1788: ok...
vash_da_stampede1788: well i went to spend the night at my freind Sara's house with Alison, and a few other freinds, we stayed up all night playing cards,games, i dint get any sleep b/c of that. well we were riding in the back of my freinds truck going all sorts of places, then we got to this park we all sat down, then i seen Alison walk off, she sat down on a bench a ways from every one else, me loving her i had to walk over there and ask her what was wrong, when i got that she said "go away, i need to think, im way to stressed out to be around ppl", then i just sat away from every one else, tring to figure out what was wrong and why she dind even want to talk to me. then after about an hour then we left, she dint talk to me at all, i tried to strike up a conversation, but she just ignored me,
vash_da_stampede1788: hold on i got to type the rest
bloo_eyed_froggee : ok
vash_da_stampede1788: well when we got back to saras house i was depressed cuz i thought she was mad at me. so i just sat there in the corner of the libing room
vash_da_stampede1788: living*
bloo_eyed_froggee : awww
vash_da_stampede1788: my freind Calvin came up to me, and asked me "whats wrond dude? i just sat there and then he walked away, then after a while i was offered a cig by Calvin, i took it and i went into Saras room to smoke it (her parents wernt home so we could smoke lol...)
bloo_eyed_froggee : ah i see
vash_da_stampede1788: then i just sat in the corner off her room, no one else was in there and i just listened to AFI to cheer me up and i could think
vash_da_stampede1788: they were beeing to loud, so i went out side and started to think
bloo_eyed_froggee : i see
vash_da_stampede1788: i sat out there for about 15 mins and i heard voices around the corner of the house, i looked back and Alison, Sara, and some other ppl (not Darci or Calvin) and threw pizza dough at me for shits and giggles(they were makin pizza and had extra earlyer) then i was realy pissed, i snuck in the side door, and that leads straight to her basement, i just sat down there and pissed, they all seen what type of mood i was in, why did they have to do that.
vash_da_stampede1788: so i was down there for about 15mins, i found a pice of broken glass, and i started to cut my arm, then i heard ppl lookin around for me, then they came down stairs and they sayed "ware were you?" before they came down tho i threw the glass to the side so they didnt see it.
bloo_eyed_froggee : hmm
bloo_eyed_froggee : did u find out why she was upset?
vash_da_stampede1788: srry my damn mother called me,,,
vash_da_stampede1788: im back
bloo_eyed_froggee : ok
vash_da_stampede1788: ok...hold on ill tell ya
bloo_eyed_froggee : okie
vash_da_stampede1788: i ran out side, and alison ran out after me, and she was like "WTF is up with you to day, ur acting like you hate me!"
vash_da_stampede1788: then i said,"Your the one that is acting like you hate me! all today you have been ignoring me, and pushin me away when i tried to comfort you!
vash_da_stampede1788: she said "well i just needed time to think about things, ive ben stressed out lately" and i said " why dont you want my help, love you and im here for you"
vash_da_stampede1788: and she was like "well you dont understarnd what im goin thru!"
vash_da_stampede1788: and im like "like what!"
vash_da_stampede1788: "you wouldnt understand!"
vash_da_stampede1788: then she said " why u ran from me when i was chassing you to see what was wrong!"
bloo_eyed_froggee : hmm
vash_da_stampede1788: then there after that was more arguing,,,that i realy cant remember, basicly the same things over and over
vash_da_stampede1788: i was avoiding you cuz i had tho think things over!"
vash_da_stampede1788: then after that she left out a loud "sigh/Arrrrrrg/grrr" type thing and ran inside, and slamed the door
vash_da_stampede1788: i ran in after her
vash_da_stampede1788: i looked all over the house for her
vash_da_stampede1788: then i found that she was in the bathroom
vash_da_stampede1788: the door was locked
vash_da_stampede1788: and i could hear her crying...
vash_da_stampede1788: and then i knoked on the door,,and she asked who was it...i dint say any thing..i knoked a few more times. then she opened the door
vash_da_stampede1788: then she said she dint want ot see me, and i said i wanted to talk to her..
vash_da_stampede1788: then she just slamed the door in my face and locked it...
vash_da_stampede1788: i coulnt stand her crying, it hurt me so much that i was the reason why she was crying,,,,,
vash_da_stampede1788: then i just lost it,,,,
vash_da_stampede1788: i my self started to cry
vash_da_stampede1788: just thinking, and yellin at my self in my head of what i have done to her...
vash_da_stampede1788: i got up, knocked again
vash_da_stampede1788: and she opend the door, her eyes were full of tears...
bloo_eyed_froggee :
vash_da_stampede1788: then she said "go away!" she tryed to close the door, but i put my foot in front of it so it would not close
vash_da_stampede1788: she said what do you want!?
vash_da_stampede1788: i said i just want to talk and be there for you
vash_da_stampede1788: then she literaly pushed me out of the door way i fell backwards and hit my head on somthin that was behind me...
vash_da_stampede1788: i just walked in the other room sat in a a chair and i started balling...
vash_da_stampede1788: Molly and Sara ran to the bathroom to talk to Alsion.
vash_da_stampede1788: Calvin came up to me and asked me what was wrong and i said, we just got in a fight
vash_da_stampede1788: after about 15mins, Sara and Molly came out
vash_da_stampede1788: they said they wanted to talk to me in privite
vash_da_stampede1788: and i walked outside with them
vash_da_stampede1788: they said "you prolly know what we are going to say" at that moment my heart speed up greatly, i was so frightend, cuz i knew what they were going to say
vash_da_stampede1788: and i was right, Alison doesnt want me any more...
bloo_eyed_froggee :
vash_da_stampede1788: they asked me if i wanted to hear them say it or not, just if i all ready knew, and i said "
vash_da_stampede1788: "i dont care..."(big mistake on words....)
vash_da_stampede1788: then ran inside, went to a chair and i let every thing out
vash_da_stampede1788: Calvin came up to me and said,"dude what the fuck is wrong man"
vash_da_stampede1788: i told him every thing
vash_da_stampede1788: and said "dude, im srry, dude! Dude! look at me man, its guna be ok"
vash_da_stampede1788: then he gave me a hugg....
vash_da_stampede1788: the rest of the night i couldnt think...
vash_da_stampede1788: alison came up to me and started to talk to me (only cus Calvin told her to)
vash_da_stampede1788: then we argued more...
vash_da_stampede1788: she said i dont want to be in a relation ship with some one who doesnt know who they are and what they want to do later in life...
vash_da_stampede1788: witch was off topic...
bloo_eyed_froggee : O.o
bloo_eyed_froggee : yea...
vash_da_stampede1788: then she started going off on me
vash_da_stampede1788: but this time i deserved it
vash_da_stampede1788: "every time im not hangng all over you or talkin to you, ut get all gloomy and pout some ware away from me!"
vash_da_stampede1788: you*
vash_da_stampede1788: " am not a hourse you are tring to break" (a hourse that has ben broke will fallow its master when they walk some ware)
vash_da_stampede1788: every time u pout and run from me i fallow you for some reason!
vash_da_stampede1788: im not going to come to you any more!
vash_da_stampede1788: (that was about it)
vash_da_stampede1788: told ya long story
bloo_eyed_froggee : damn patrick...
bloo_eyed_froggee : im so sorry...
vash_da_stampede1788: i fucked it all up
bloo_eyed_froggee :
vash_da_stampede1788: i made her cry...
vash_da_stampede1788: i deserve that...
bloo_eyed_froggee : im sorry that happened to the 2 of you...
vash_da_stampede1788: ty leah...
vash_da_stampede1788: then all today she wouldnt even speak to me...
vash_da_stampede1788: she hates me...
bloo_eyed_froggee : thats awful..
vash_da_stampede1788: i just givin up....
vash_da_stampede1788: im givin up on bveing with her,
vash_da_stampede1788: being*
vash_da_stampede1788: im giving up fighting to stay eith her
vash_da_stampede1788: with*
vash_da_stampede1788: im giving up speakin to her
vash_da_stampede1788: im giving up tring to be her freind
vash_da_stampede1788: im giving up on having a life at all
vash_da_stampede1788: and if i get the gutts to do it, ill give up living at all
bloo_eyed_froggee : patrick....was that your guys's first fight?
vash_da_stampede1788: no 3rd
bloo_eyed_froggee : o
vash_da_stampede1788: i gues i get no more chances....
vash_da_stampede1788: she told me stuff that night, that i will remember, and i dont want to get into..but those words helped me to know who i realy im....
vash_da_stampede1788: am*
bloo_eyed_froggee : i see
vash_da_stampede1788: if i only could undo that event...
bloo_eyed_froggee : u regret it
vash_da_stampede1788: i could hold her in my arms...
vash_da_stampede1788: yes..
bloo_eyed_froggee : i know how u feel
vash_da_stampede1788: and im forever going to be...
bloo_eyed_froggee : i know this might not help but
bloo_eyed_froggee : do u want a hug....
vash_da_stampede1788: plz...
vash_da_stampede1788: i need a hugg bad...
bloo_eyed_froggee : ..im sorry this is the best i can do..
vash_da_stampede1788: the only ppl that gave me a hugg was Calvin and Darci
vash_da_stampede1788: *huggs back* ty leah, ur rock
bloo_eyed_froggee : your welcome and
vash_da_stampede1788: u*
bloo_eyed_froggee : i just want to let you know
bloo_eyed_froggee : im here for you my friend..any time u need to talk or anything im here
vash_da_stampede1788: ty....

this next one was on msn with Jubal i sen him the convo, this is what he said...

Patrick says:
jubal?
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
yep
Patrick says:
yo dude...
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
somethin wrong?
Patrick says:
way to much
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
oh shit
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
what is it?
Patrick says:
i had to explain to my freind in CA over yahoo, ill just coppy and paste the conversation
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
okay
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
but theres alimited amount you can put htere
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
notepad > save > send
Patrick says:
ok hold on...
Patrick says:
my comps beeinm shity..
Patrick says:
beeing*
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
okay
Patrick sends:
 

Patrick says:
ur in for alot of readin
Patrick says:
well accept
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
haha damn dude
 
  Transfer of "alison...txt" is complete.
 
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
that i salot
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
"I dont want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn know who they are"
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
sounds so hippocritical
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
and
Patrick says:
what do u mean?
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
if she doesnt want that
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
shes going to have a hard time findin some one
Patrick says:
god damn it...
Patrick says:
its my fault tho...
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
No, its really not
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
its the strain that relationships put on one another
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
there wa sno reason she had to dump you patrick
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
she just... over reacted
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
all you wanted was to love her
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
all she wanted was to be loved
Patrick says:
yea but this as happend before
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
but she couldnt face is
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
she isnt strong enough patrick
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
that its happened before just further prooves my point
Patrick says:
is?
Patrick says:
coulnd face is?
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
it*
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
sorry
Patrick says:
well if i wountd have done that, we would still be together...it was my doing...
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
No
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
no you're wrong patrick
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
this isnt your fault
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
shes blind
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
too blind to see that you're the best thing that couldve happened to her
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
seh needed the pain
Patrick says:
she*
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
I'm... not sure how I can explain that
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
yeah she*
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
You say you're just going to give up on her
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
you know that wont be easy
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
it'll be one of the hardes tthings you'll have to do
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
if you can anyways
Patrick says:
well she said she all ready made up ur mind, thats what she says she needs, and i love her enough ill just give up on her, that will make her happy..
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
no it wont
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
she'll be lonely if you do that
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
believe me
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
she'll realize it
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
and come back
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
and
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
that "if I find the guts to do it I'll give up on living"
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
dude
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
no
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
if you do that it'll all be in vein
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
okay? no one wants that
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
theres more to life than just her
Patrick says:
....it more complicated than that...every time u get someone you realy love, ya loose it, it hits you hard,, then it happens again and again and again!!! there is no point! its and endless loop untill you die!
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
Patrick
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
I know
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
I know all too well
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
but theres mroe to life than love
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
our band
Patrick says:
life sucks! ur born, u grow, ya make misstakes, ya loose, ya die!
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
you arent quitting on me are you?
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
wrong
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
you're born
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
you make mistakes
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
you loose
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
you learn
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
you get up and try again until you get it right
Patrick says:
then ya die and what things have u changed in the world! nuthing! our lives on this planet are meeningless!
Patrick says:
if there is a god and/or godess.....life is sick joke....
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
EXACTLY
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
if oyu give up you'll never change anything patrick
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
NOTHING WILL CHANGE IF YOU GIVE UP
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
get some determination
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
a few friends
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
and you can change everything
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
and we will
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
we will
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
we'll look back on this oneday
Patrick says:
well we arnt makin much progress with the band....i think we might need a new singer...Mike is like avoiding us
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
Yeah I know
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
haha
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
but
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
we have brandon
Patrick says:
is he in a band yet?
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
kind of
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
but
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
he lives wiht me so yeah
Patrick says:
true...
Patrick says:
dude...do ya mind if i post this on xanga? im goin to with the other one, just to clear things up with ppl
Patrick says:
lol
Patrick says:
well i was under alot of stress
Patrick says:
well can post this on xanga, to help explain things?
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
post what?
... and she feels like a movie in your arms... says:
our convo? sure go ahead haha
Patrick says:
yea
Patrick says:
thx

this was today when i was talkin to jubal

Patrick said:

          Im gettin sick of this....

Maybe music isn't dead... maybe music isn't dead... maybe we all just forgot what it fuckin' sounded like said:

         What?